In my last post, I shared with you how I had my very first real conversation with Heavenly Father. I tend to refer to that night as “The Night at the Catholic Church.” I also remember it as one of the most emotionally exhausting experiences I’ve had in this conversion. I remember it feeling like I would have stopped breathing if I didn’t continue to remind myself that I needed to. I remember being so fully aware of every part of my body because it took everything in me to move.
When I got home that night, I didn’t feel happy or excited or elated or any other wonderful feelings that might be associated with learning about God’s love for you. It was so much … aahh.. so much more different than that. The most profound feeling I had after I left the church was a solid understanding that my life was about to change in some big ways. Right below that layer was a rock solid layer of shock. Complete shock and awe.
I went to church the next morning. I didn’t think I would want to, but after “The Night at the Catholic Church,” I didn’t think I had any other option. If for no other reason, I had to tell the sister missionaries. So I showed up early and sheepishly told them what happened. Sheepishly? I was still relentlessly stubborn. I knew that if I told someone, anyone, that I could never play the “God isn’t real” card ever again. I’d have to start considering that they might be right about a few things. If you have learned anything about me, I like to be right. I practically thrive on being right. In fact, I enjoy being proved wrong as much as I love losing card games (I’m looking at you, MJ.)
I told them that I didn’t know what this means. I didn’t know where to go from here. I didn’t know what was going to happen next. I was confused again, but a different kind of confused, I think. I just.. I just didn’t know how to make sense of what happened the night before in a language I could understand.
I sat with the sister missionaries through sacrament meeting and during sunday school. In the middle of the discussion in the second hour, Sister R, with tears in her eyes, hands me her scriptures.
Doctrine and Covenants section 6
22 Verily, verily, I say unto you, if you desire a further witness, cast your mind upon the night that you cried unto me in your heart, that you might know concerning the truth of these things.
23 Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater witness can you have than from God?
And in that little room, in a church I thought I could never love, God answered my question through one of my best friends and through scripture. In that short second, I started to understand what it means to have a testimony.
So much love,